The one thing “THEY” really don’t teach when your younger and in school is how to detect when your in a toxic relationship.The thing is, you have to be in it to learn it and truly swallow it down, and that just kind of sucks. Sure, our parents can offer help, or real friends and family may suggest things, but it is so minimal and you wont be prepared. Until you’re involved and for what ever reason everything people tell you about the bad relationship you won’t be able to wrap your head around it. Then BOOM by the time you realize what’s happening your in Ass deep, feelings get hurt. Lies and phony stories circulate causing a ripple affect that spreads like a cancer wiping out other friendships in its wake. Now what you don’t realize at first is, wiping out a handful of friends that take the toxic side and drop you off their radar because they are hearing one side is also in your favor. These are fake friends. Think about it, toxic people intermingle with toxic people, you know the story, (misery loves company) Be thankful you threw that bowling ball and you hit a strike.
Now the part that sucks is, the betrayal you feel. You sit back and wonder What the fresh hell is going on? How some could listen and believe such crap without hearing the other side nor do they want to. Well those are the weak, they are people who would rather be a follower then a leader and think on their own. Or maybe they choose to stay on the bad side of the fence because its just comfortable, maybe they are getting something more then a friendship out it, money? A free service of some kind? A job perhaps? So they simply don’t want to rock the boat. Whatever it is, trust in the fact you don’t need this shit sandwich.
I was awakened all in one swoop when I basically walked into an all you can eat shit buffet!
While going through a divorce I was truly amazed at who went with the lying cheating narcissist, how could they turn their backs on me. What was even more crazy is some of these people I’d known for a long time, You think they’d know you, know the truth, Or YOU thought you knew them, you thought they were real friends, and POW you got slapped! HARD! I was told its because I was being mean. Okay, Ladies, even Men, I ask, who the hell isn’t going to be bitchy after being betrayed after 20 plus years of marriage. Lame ass excuses, Again this is the weak minded who can’t deal with truths. Sadly this goes for some family too.
Also, there is the fact that my Ex had the bigger money, he threw all the big parties. He was “the boss” I get it, but, his fan club lost their idol when he died, and now what, no more riding the coat tails? Are ya feeling any guilt? Is that why they can’t even look me in the face, or have a conversation? Afraid you made one hell of a mistake. Sprinkle some denial on top and your done.
Since then My circle got smaller, tighter. But sadly once in a while you’ll have yet another battle to fight. I saw the true colors pop out with another. So close this one was I got a sense of jealousy toward me, after awhile it almost felt reminiscent as to what my Ex late husband was doing to me, on a different playing field, but narcissistic all the same. These toxic people hate to see you happy, and their friendship is a double blade, cutting you both ways emotionally, they are so nice to you and at the same time have the ability to make you feel sad. You will never please them, they enjoy telling others you hurt their feelings by twisting words you said or things you do to fit their agenda. They stab you and then play victim. Honestly they love this. Usually they want to be your only friend, and become high maintenance and insecure if you do have a life other then them. I discovered there was a BIG problem when this friend wanted me to end another friendship by telling me lies like, she’s steeling my stuff, or shes not to be trusted. I didn’t fall for it. Then, when I found myself in love again and began a new happy life, everyone was over the moon happy for me, for us, we were told what a good fit we are and how happy and in love we both look. But this same friend told me maybe I should dump him, that I could do better…WHAT? Why? Because friends like these want you miserable, That’s why. I can only assume its because they are miserable too, and they crave to be in control of you. Again I didn’t listen, by then I was learning, as she was the only one trying to take my positives and make them negatives. Unfortunately, these personality traits are very tricky, you have to live it to see it, others around you may not see it. Or it may take a little time. From where i’m sitting , Its like a big game, these manipulators use people like pawns in a game of chess. They need minions to feed their big ass ego’s.
Don’t play this game. Back away. I learned that after spending a few hours or a day with a friend, if your emotional state is pissed off, up-set, or feeling anxiety, this is NOT a good friend, I learned this and it was a shitty lesson, but I learned. I’m still learning, this time with different eyes, ears and heart.
I’m learning what real friends say and do and how they treat you. I’m learning love doesn’t have to hurt. I’m learning that I’m strong minded and can’t be manipulated any longer, I’m learning My Happiness is MY creation no one else’s. I’ve learned friends can give good advice, and, good friends won’t get mad if you don’t take it. ** If you ever go through a very dark time in your life and a friend gets mad at you because they feel your not paying attention to them, well then, maybe you should pay very close attention to that, and when you wake up you’ll learn that’s NOT a friend, and you will learn to walk away.**
DREAM~WISH~BELIEVE Robin H. Soprano.