It’s Valentines day! for some no big deal for others its nice…for me… I don’t need to be showered with gifts but Its nice to maybe get recognition..which I actually did. In two different ways… so really I shouldn’t feel so down. BUT I do because I’m JUST dating, and today im ALONE and yes it SUCKS!!!!
Bottom line I am all alone today its early maybe something will come up, but I wont dwell. I’ve taken my happy meds and instead of coffee this morning I’m on my second cup of hot cocoa!! Because apparently that’s how I roll… I am learning there are NO RULES when it comes to our own happiness..Take care of you. which brings me to the topic I wanted to write about.
Many have told me, going through a divorce, now that your on your own you have to find you ..what does Robin like, ..I’ll tell you what I like NOT BEING ALONE!!! I am 49 years old trust me people..I know who I am..The best part about me is NO ONE ever took my self esteem away..not ex boyfriends who tried and not my Ex husband who constantly tried to make me feel helpless and dumb..he NEVER built me up or let me do things on my own and when i did and it came out great he would say… “You did this?” like he was shocked i was capable of doing anything…oh but if i failed at something holy shit he was like a dog with a bone …years later i would still hear about it…This is when I started to hate him, I also know I DID NOTHING WRONG! basically I found the feelings were mutual. But here’s the thing..My Ex NEVER stripped me of who I am… THIS IS WHO I AM;
I have a BIG Heart! I have a BIG and funny animated personality. I have Confidence. I respect myself , I take no bullshit and hate drama. I can dance, I can sing. I know my laughter is contagious. I can cook. I am honest I would never cheat or lie, I would never purposefully hurt anyone. I LOVE animals . I am someone who would have your back. Take you into my house and make you feel relaxed. I am warm and affectionate. Most people I meet take to me instantly, I have written two pretty great books! I refuse to grow up all the way! I Have Class but I can adapt to any social situation. I have serious side but can find the humor in anything. And when I love someone you will get the best parts me mind, body and soul…
The last few years of my broken marriage I used to say to my friends…”I am So being wasted on this idiot, he does not appreciate the fabulous woman that I am!” In some ways i felt like my Ex was jealous of me because I have a lot of strong qualities and he didn’t… his people skills SUCKED! it made me crazy… I see now we had friends because of me… So STOP telling me I need to find out who i am, and don’t apologize for and tell me your sorry my husband walked out on me…Truly HE is the one who’s going to be sorry and I believe HE is the one who better work on himself or he will be alone FOREVER no sane woman will put up with his idiosyncrasy!
so yes, right now I am alone, a little sad, maybe I even feel sorry for myself..BUT I know who I am!! and some day I will have someone who is going to be so happy and feel so lucky they have me. I hope its sooner then later..
If your going through or been through a divorce, I know so many that have feel its their fault or now you feel your not good or worthy… its not true.. but there is nothing wrong with seeking therapy, talk to someone. My therapist told me because my Ex or anyone can’t take away my self esteem this is where I am my strongest and she is thrilled I NEVER lost that! Its half the battle.. I just need to work on my fears, but its all apart of the grieving… We say “Try”…i’m trying to work on it, I try to see the light at the end of the tunnel… The word TRY is word we use that means bullshit… my heart says believe .. I AM going to be fine I AM going to be happy . one step one breathe one day at a time.
My muse today is siting on the couch she smiled at me this morning. She’s happy that even though I am not writing in my manuscript I am writing this blog. in her eyes right now any writing is a step in the right direction. I gave her my middle finger.. and she gave it back and laughed…she reminded me of who I am..and I know i’m pretty fabulous!
Don’t forget to check out my books! come on help me out! I swear to god you will like them!! and if you want to reach out to me and talk, you can find me at http://www.facebook.com/robinhsoprano
Love, Adventure and a 200 year old spirit … The unfamiliar world Of the Paranormal… It all begins with One Sip… Get A Taste Of