ONLY A WRITER KNOWS

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The other night I ran into a friend and fellow writer. Was nice to see him, I asked him what has he been writing? His answer? Nothing. I nodded in agreement because I haven’t been writing either. We both agreed that life’s ups and downs get in the way and its hard to focus, but the desire is strongly there. He has been writing a little bit here and there, same as me, just my blog and some notes about Idea’s I get. The re-assuring thing is, we get it. Only a writer knows… I totally understand where he is coming from . He also went back to college  to improve his writing skills. He praised me about the two books Ive published and I should feel good about myself, and that its okay to take some time off for myself. Most know my life changed in a blink of an eye, and now its winding down, calmer, happier. I bought a house and am right now packing, even writing this blog took longer then anticipated. A phone call or two, or whatever it is that breaks concentration .

I suppose having two books published and for sale on Amazon is a wonderful accomplishment and I really need to work on owning that.  The new house has a wonderful office that I’m making my writing cave, writers need a special place to write and feel calm and peaceful to let the muse flow. My muse is hanging back she’s around but I believe she’s letting me find my footing with my new life and waiting patiently for me to be ready.

On a fun note I visited a psychic last week, she also told me I was coming out of a ten year negativity cycle and its coming to an end. Without a word from me she knew there was a death close to me and to forgive because it was basically mentle illness that caused problems. She knew I’m creative in writing, and she saw another book from me soon. She told me I have angels all around me and one is my muse and helps me write, she also told me I will write when im ready, and not to feel pressure about it. She told me my Mother wants me to keep dancing, and she’s happy I made it through a rough time. I was also told I should always lead with my gut because its always right and thats where my clairvoyance comes into play along with my dreams. I had a very good reading , she said she told me everything I already knew, she laughed, and gave me validation.

So if your a writer your not alone. We all go through lifes up and downs. Some days you will write some you wont. We all wake up with the intension. Some can write no matter what and some of us need queit and no traumatic drama life atlering minutia that gets in the way. I am still taking a anti-depressant, the doctor wants me to stay on it a while longer, I also think this is picking at my creativity like a scab on a wound that wont heal because its altering my emotions. If a writer has no emotions while writing there will be no emotion in the reader. If im not feeling my words as I write them, my reader wont either. I truly think these pills keep my emotions so even that when I do write, im not out of breath, or crying or even laughing or the best one…When you write something so good you get  chills!

I trust myself to know that I will be writing soon, but for now I’m still on a break, I’m finding out who Robin really is and I’m learning everyday that, I’m smarter then I thought, I am finding happiness within me. I’m a great decorater, an awesome cook. A great friend and a great Lover. My temper has improved and a lot of stuff does not bother me like it used to. I dont have to worry about minial things anymore either, like who’s job it is to take out garbage or go grocery shopping., because its not a big deal! Throwing a party together is calmer and fun, no one is telling me how wrong I’m doing something or pointing out what they think are mistakes. Or the constant nagging. I feel relieved!!  All these choices are mine to make wrong or right its all about learning and being on our journey, not a destination. I am happy with what I have, and I dont need anything. I also learned how very strong I am and that shocked me the most, but in some small way I think I knew that too.

I am on a new journey and I’m loving it. I’ll be honest, Coming into to a little money is a big help but its never the answer. I am humbled and so very blessed and I will never take anything for granted but I truly never did, its not me. I’m lo-key, and though I like finer things, I’m not obsessed with over the top or flashy possessions, I don’t want the biggest house on the block and I dont want to be loud like firworks. Im happy doing normal things on a smaller scale and enjoying it better then a grand production. I have found going over the top just gives you more problems sometimes, and i’m learning most problems are easily avoidable. Things don’t have to be big, Life does not have to be big to enjoy it. Maybe some people are missing something in their life to fill a void, if there is love and happiness around you, you are wealthy and there is no void to fill!

Okay friends I need to wrap this up and start my journey for today. I thank my friend Robert for inspiring me, I might not have wrote in my novel but I wrote something…( my Blog.)

Writers need to talk with writers, get in a group, take creative writing, keep yourself motivated, even if you are not physically writing our imaginations are still billowing. Write in a journal, write a short story, write on your blog.

And Always, DREAM~WISH~BELIEVE~

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A journal is good for your soul.

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It’s been a while since I blogged, as most know I have been busy, and I have also been healing. Healing my mind my heart and soul. Things are looking good and a lot of really great stuff has happened.

One reason for the blog today is, after going to writer’s group the other day, and talking about all kinds of things related to writing and not. I was asked…no, I was told by my peers to get busy writing! lol!! But as I have been talking about for months my desire has gone awry. I feel like I want to, but- my focus is off, train of though derailed. So My friend
Jorja said, journal, everyday write down your thoughts. so I decided I would blog today as part of my inspiration re-boot! For some reason its easier to write down feelings then go disappear in one of my stories in my imagination…Don’t ask why.

My muse has been very patient  probably because I still write things down about my stories in a note book, maybe i’m just waiting to be settled. On paper I am. But I have a move coming up in a month, and I’m very much looking forward to decorating and setting up my new house into a cozy home! The move isn’t far  i’m in the same town.

I am having restless nights, sleep alludes me. I think about stuff, I think about the future, I think about how my day went, worst of all, I think about the past. It’s still a complete mystery of the turn of events that happen to me…What happened to my late husband? Like I said, I’m healing but, even when I’m mended there is always going to be a scar.  I have too many questions that won’t get answered. Best I keep telling myself is to chalk it up to insanity.

I get up everyday, and live my life. I take good with bad. I have made some new friends and sadly some friends I have lost, some I chose to leave, some made the choice for me. I also lost family, they are his blood, but I think it’s better this way. They can’t handle truth and they sweep stuff under the rug and pretend like its not there. Well, that’s not me, and that is one of the big reasons my marriage started to fall apart, among a multitude of things..(insanity)

I think loosing family and friends hurts most. But I can’t make them see my side, nor do I have the energy or time to waste on it. I believe this is my life’s path, people come and go…for 25 years I lived a pretty good life but it was getting empty and lonely, my prayers got answered, in many ways really good and some, very tragic, but the big picture here is to make my next 25 better… all about my happiness. Taking care of what I want and need.

I hope my blog helps anyone going through a loss, any kind of loss… it helps to talk and write things down. I do hope I reach someone who feels as though they are at rock bottom and reading my drama  might help. please feel free to reach out and talk.

Ok… instead of thinking years into the future I’m just gonna concentrate on the next three months… I can slowly move stuff to the new house. My wonderful boyfriend is going to do some painting. I’m going to handle all the paper work of this move. I am excited about decorating my office. I want to get a nice desk and a big comfy chair to sit in…and write my stories!  and I’m looking forward to the holidays!  One day, and one moment at a time.

DREAM~ WISH~ BELIEVE