Is medication Zapping my mojo to write?

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On Saturday morning I wrote. I wrote in my manuscript of the book i’m working on titled (Three Blind Wives.)  Did I write all day no…But I wrote for  an hour or so. Was I able to tune out the world and my problems for that hour or so ? Yes. For some reason My dog Corey  was the culprit of what made me stop. Usually while I write he sits at my feet or in the doorway content, but for what ever reason he felt it necessary to come give me his head on my lap, then a paw…I’m still wondering if he felt my mood that particular day. I was very down and thought writing would perk me up , I believe animals are very in tune with our being so just maybe Corey felt he needed to give me some love or he knew I needed a good cry. So I got on the floor with him, gave him a scratch or two then I cried…he let me cry on him and he licked my face. When I was done I read the paragraph or page I typed out, I like it for now, then shut down the computer, took a Xanax and poured a glass of wine and went out on my patio and stared into space.

Now I have had a thought go through my mind once or twice and today in writer’s group it was mentioned. As writers we write with emotions, I have written two books while in a bad and unhappy marriage. Now i’m away from that situation and i’m on anti-depressants and  some Xanax. Saturday was a bad day , feeling low… didn’t take meds…I wrote. Can there be a connection? Is that what my muse is waiting for? For me to feel like I can loose the meds and write? Even Corey doesn’t feel the need to give me too much affection when i’m on them. Do the meds even me out so much that I can function normally but has it the ability to ZAP my creative mojo?!  In some ways YES I want to get off this stuff, but right now i’m scared I might be too messed up. I still wake in the middle of night with anxiety though its getting better. Everyday I feel I get better but is it the medication or a combo. I am going to have run a few tests and figure this out.

Meanwhile, even though a writer does not physically write, we write in our heads… don’t worry a story is unfolding, and since My life now is similar to the characters, I am gathering some great materiel  for this book!  I know I will get there. They say time heals all wounds. My future is unknown, for most of us it is but the things I can control I will the things I can’t… i will let the universe and my angels help me, sometimes no choice IS the choice.

On my way to happy.. DREAM ~WISH ~ BELIEVE.

This book has it all… A little mystery, a little magic and a spice of Sex & Romance. Fun and Quick read! You won’t be able to put it down!!

Love, Adventure and a 200 year old spirit … The unfamiliar world Of the Paranormal… It all begins with One Sip… Get A Taste Of

ABSINTHE

http://www.amazon.com/Absinthe-Robin-H-Soprano-ebook/dp/B013HDL3IO/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1438859494&sr=1-1&keywords=Absinthe+Robin+H.+soprano

Fall in love with a Magical Story ~

A Romantic Adult Fairy Tale!  REVISED VERSION  RE EDITED!!

Torn apart by tragedy in the past, will destiny be on their side in the present …Is love so powerful it reunites two souls over and over through time…

Take a magical, emotional journey with Sal & Gracie as they discover they have been in love for centuries…In… A SOUL MATES PROMISE~ http://www.amazon.com/Soul-Mates-Promise-Robin-Soprano-ebook/dp/B00O242G8O/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1436450984&sr=1-1&keywords=a+soul+mates+promise

Who I AM!

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It’s Valentines day! for some no big deal for others its nice…for me… I don’t need to be showered with gifts but Its nice to maybe get recognition..which I actually did. In two different ways… so really I shouldn’t feel so down. BUT I do because I’m JUST dating, and today im ALONE and yes it SUCKS!!!!

Bottom line I am all alone today its early maybe something will come up, but I wont dwell. I’ve taken my happy meds and instead of coffee this morning I’m on my second cup of hot cocoa!! Because apparently that’s how I roll… I am learning there are NO RULES when it comes to our own happiness..Take care of you. which brings me to the topic I wanted to write about.

Many have told me, going through a divorce, now that your on your own you have to find you ..what does Robin like, ..I’ll tell you what I like NOT BEING ALONE!!! I am 49 years old trust me people..I know who I am..The best part about me is NO ONE ever took my self esteem away..not ex boyfriends who tried and not my Ex husband who constantly tried to make me feel helpless and dumb..he NEVER built me up or let me do things on my own and when i did and it came out great he would say… “You did this?”  like he was shocked i was capable of doing anything…oh but if i failed at something holy shit he was like a dog with a bone …years later i would still hear about it…This is when I started to hate him, I also know I DID NOTHING WRONG!  basically I found the feelings were mutual. But here’s the thing..My Ex NEVER stripped me of who I am… THIS IS WHO I AM;

I have a BIG Heart! I have a BIG and funny animated personality. I have Confidence. I respect myself , I take no bullshit and hate drama. I can dance, I can sing. I know my laughter is contagious. I can cook. I am honest I would never cheat or lie, I would never purposefully hurt anyone. I LOVE animals . I am someone who would have your back. Take you into my house and make you feel relaxed. I am warm and affectionate. Most people I meet take to me instantly,  I have written two pretty great books! I refuse to grow up all the way! I Have Class but I can adapt to any social situation. I have serious side but can find the humor in anything. And when I love someone you will get the best parts me mind, body and soul…

The last few years of my broken marriage I used to say to my friends…”I am So being wasted on this idiot, he does not appreciate the fabulous woman that I am!” In some ways i felt like my Ex was jealous of me because I have a lot of strong qualities and he didn’t… his people skills SUCKED! it made me crazy… I see now we had friends because of me… So STOP telling me I need to find out who i am, and don’t apologize for and tell me your sorry my husband walked out on me…Truly HE is the one who’s going to be sorry and I believe HE is the one who better work on himself or he will be alone FOREVER no sane woman will put up with his idiosyncrasy!

so yes, right now I am alone, a little sad, maybe I even feel sorry for myself..BUT I know who I am!! and some day I will have someone who is going to  be so happy and feel so lucky they have me. I hope its sooner then later..

If your going through or been through a divorce, I know so many that have feel its their fault or now you feel your not good or worthy… its not true.. but there is nothing wrong with seeking therapy, talk to someone. My therapist told me because my Ex or anyone can’t take away my self esteem this is where I am my strongest and she is thrilled I NEVER lost that! Its half the battle.. I just need to work on my fears, but its all apart of the grieving… We say “Try”…i’m trying to work on it, I try to see the light at the end of the tunnel… The word TRY is word we use that means bullshit… my heart says believe .. I AM going to be fine I AM going to be happy . one step one breathe one day at a time.

My muse today is siting on the couch she smiled at me this morning. She’s happy that even though I am not writing in my manuscript I am writing this blog. in her eyes right now any writing is  a step in the right direction. I gave her my middle finger.. and she gave it back and laughed…she reminded me of who I am..and I know i’m pretty fabulous!

DREAM~ WISH~BELIEVE

Don’t forget to check out my books! come on help me out!  I swear to god you will like them!! and if you want to reach out to me  and talk, you can find me at http://www.facebook.com/robinhsoprano

 

A SOUL MATES PROMISE~ http://www.amazon.com/Soul-Mates-Promise-Robin-Soprano-ebook/dp/B00O242G8O/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1436450984&sr=1-1&keywords=a+soul+mates+promise

Love, Adventure and a 200 year old spirit … The unfamiliar world Of the Paranormal… It all begins with One Sip… Get A Taste Of

ABSINTHE

http://www.amazon.com/Absinthe-Robin-H-Soprano-ebook/dp/B013HDL3IO/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1438859494&sr=1-1&keywords=Absinthe+Robin+H.+soprano

My Muse is in a fog!

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Going through a life changing event, I am learning, changes you.

I feel bitter, sad, lonely! When I am happy its not yet to full capacity . Now I have started a new book, I want to write I really do but my muse is looking at me from across the room arms folded shaking her head… then she shrugs and takes a deep breath, I take one with her. some days she does poke through the hazy fog in my head with ideas, just hints of hope that she is there waiting for me.

Everyday I sit and see if I can write….right now, the only thing I seem to be able to write is on this blog about what is going on in my life…I know there are others out there and it does help to share and talk about it.

Now the book I started writing  is about three friends who decide to do on line dating and its going to get hairy, funny and real! How ironic is this… because now that’s what i’m doing, and finding it very hard… you would think in the age group i’m in, dating would or should be easier…but its not..most guys are out for one thing..And i’m just not that girl.  I feel like a little lamb and been thrown to a pack of wolves! THAT’S when reality stands up and smacks you across your face.  But i’m now trying to look at this as learning experience…and I am getting lots of material for the new book! putting myself out there is fun but also scary.

Here’s the thing maybe I need this time to spread my wings collect info live a little then my muse will step out of the fog and say… GO GIRL lets write this story. Inspiration I found comes from everywhere, and in time I believe things are yet to come that I will get idea’s from.  I know my muse is here, she’s just in the fog,  I’m not waiting for her I believe she is waiting for me!

Dream~Wish~ Believe~

 

Take a magical, emotional journey with Sal & Gracie as they discover they have been in love for centuries…In… A SOUL MATES PROMISE~ http://www.amazon.com/Soul-Mates-Promise-Robin-Soprano-ebook/dp/B00O242G8O/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1436450984&sr=1-1&keywords=a+soul+mates+promise

This book has it all… A little mystery, a little magic and a spice of Sex & Romance.

Love, Adventure and a 200 year old spirit … The unfamiliar world Of the Paranormal… It all begins with One Sip… Get A Taste Of

ABSINTHE

http://www.amazon.com/Absinthe-Robin-H-Soprano-ebook/dp/B013HDL3IO/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1438859494&sr=1-1&keywords=Absinthe+Robin+H.+soprano

 

 

The Ups & Downs of my new life.

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So what does one do while going through divorce?

you try to keep busy, PRAY FOR PEACE , tell yourself over and over your going to be fine weather you believe it or not!… When i’m home for some reason I get very down. Even though I might of had a great weekend or a great day.. it seems after the high I can get very low.. I met a few men, some scary some very nice, one in particular I am getting feelings for. (oh no) Yes… I know! uuuhhhgg….its a gamble i’m willing to take..it could turn out great, or he will break my heart. that’s the way goes though right?!

Dating at this age is different and I may be a little impatient, its dating, not going steady from the jump, its getting to know each other and that is great but as usual I over think stuff . does he really like me? why didn’t he call/text? and then he does and I think okay…this is dating…no thinking negative OR as the therapist calls it..”Stinkin thinkin”…but its hard to do especially when you haven’t had to do it in 20 years!  My therapist tells me the highs and lows are normal but its our own thinking in the negative that make us low…its just easier for some of us to do that.

I am also thinking I need to get busy on the book I started a few months ago… I think about how proud I get when I write and I do it for me.  I amaze myself that I have done this twice! Still can’t believe it. This is an up!

The down is not having a loved one, other then friends and family, to share that joy with you.

Another up is working, being around people all day laughing, talking, sharing advice…the down…I come home to an empty house and I know no one is coming home for dinner or to sleep beside me. Then you go back to wondering is that guy I like going to text or call me …at least that’s and up..right? and you cling to that hope…when it does not happen your stomach sinks further into bummed out… but when it does.. you get excited and you find a smile on your face.  See its an emotional roller coaster… one ride I hope I can stop soon!

Also I love to cook or bake..that’s an up..yes?! But when its just you its a downer…I’m not making a huge meal for just me.

lately my dinner consist of a glass of wine, some crackers and cheese… unless I go out with friends which is an up!

I look forward to going to my  writers group..this is an up! but the rest of my day is usually followed  by a lawyer’s appointment …or just going home..and I stare at my life of 24 years in boxes. OR I stare at  the manuscript on my computer  and get pissed off that I cant focus on writing a fucking word!…This is a down…….

 

Look.. I know things could be way worse, I have my health…(I hope) lol! I have wonderful friends, they are nurturing, caring, even over protective and I thank god for them everyday..I have some family who check in on me regularly… these are all positive ups! I have a big heart I am a great person, this I know, and knowing this keeps me for the most part in a positive. I have confidence and pretty good self esteem, I love to have fun and laugh, dance, sing, talk, go out stay in ! UP UP UP right???!!! Sadly..it does not last.

I am a work in progress I try to live everyday and do things to make me happy …I don’t need to be rich, I don’t need fancy things.. I just want to be Happy.  one day at a time..

 

DREAM~WISH~BELIEVE~