On Saturday morning I wrote. I wrote in my manuscript of the book i’m working on titled (Three Blind Wives.) Did I write all day no…But I wrote for an hour or so. Was I able to tune out the world and my problems for that hour or so ? Yes. For some reason My dog Corey was the culprit of what made me stop. Usually while I write he sits at my feet or in the doorway content, but for what ever reason he felt it necessary to come give me his head on my lap, then a paw…I’m still wondering if he felt my mood that particular day. I was very down and thought writing would perk me up , I believe animals are very in tune with our being so just maybe Corey felt he needed to give me some love or he knew I needed a good cry. So I got on the floor with him, gave him a scratch or two then I cried…he let me cry on him and he licked my face. When I was done I read the paragraph or page I typed out, I like it for now, then shut down the computer, took a Xanax and poured a glass of wine and went out on my patio and stared into space.
Now I have had a thought go through my mind once or twice and today in writer’s group it was mentioned. As writers we write with emotions, I have written two books while in a bad and unhappy marriage. Now i’m away from that situation and i’m on anti-depressants and some Xanax. Saturday was a bad day , feeling low… didn’t take meds…I wrote. Can there be a connection? Is that what my muse is waiting for? For me to feel like I can loose the meds and write? Even Corey doesn’t feel the need to give me too much affection when i’m on them. Do the meds even me out so much that I can function normally but has it the ability to ZAP my creative mojo?! In some ways YES I want to get off this stuff, but right now i’m scared I might be too messed up. I still wake in the middle of night with anxiety though its getting better. Everyday I feel I get better but is it the medication or a combo. I am going to have run a few tests and figure this out.
Meanwhile, even though a writer does not physically write, we write in our heads… don’t worry a story is unfolding, and since My life now is similar to the characters, I am gathering some great materiel for this book! I know I will get there. They say time heals all wounds. My future is unknown, for most of us it is but the things I can control I will the things I can’t… i will let the universe and my angels help me, sometimes no choice IS the choice.
On my way to happy.. DREAM ~WISH ~ BELIEVE.
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