The Ups & Downs of my new life.

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So what does one do while going through divorce?

you try to keep busy, PRAY FOR PEACE , tell yourself over and over your going to be fine weather you believe it or not!… When i’m home for some reason I get very down. Even though I might of had a great weekend or a great day.. it seems after the high I can get very low.. I met a few men, some scary some very nice, one in particular I am getting feelings for. (oh no) Yes… I know! uuuhhhgg….its a gamble i’m willing to take..it could turn out great, or he will break my heart. that’s the way goes though right?!

Dating at this age is different and I may be a little impatient, its dating, not going steady from the jump, its getting to know each other and that is great but as usual I over think stuff . does he really like me? why didn’t he call/text? and then he does and I think okay…this is dating…no thinking negative OR as the therapist calls it..”Stinkin thinkin”…but its hard to do especially when you haven’t had to do it in 20 years!  My therapist tells me the highs and lows are normal but its our own thinking in the negative that make us low…its just easier for some of us to do that.

I am also thinking I need to get busy on the book I started a few months ago… I think about how proud I get when I write and I do it for me.  I amaze myself that I have done this twice! Still can’t believe it. This is an up!

The down is not having a loved one, other then friends and family, to share that joy with you.

Another up is working, being around people all day laughing, talking, sharing advice…the down…I come home to an empty house and I know no one is coming home for dinner or to sleep beside me. Then you go back to wondering is that guy I like going to text or call me …at least that’s and up..right? and you cling to that hope…when it does not happen your stomach sinks further into bummed out… but when it does.. you get excited and you find a smile on your face.  See its an emotional roller coaster… one ride I hope I can stop soon!

Also I love to cook or bake..that’s an up..yes?! But when its just you its a downer…I’m not making a huge meal for just me.

lately my dinner consist of a glass of wine, some crackers and cheese… unless I go out with friends which is an up!

I look forward to going to my  writers group..this is an up! but the rest of my day is usually followed  by a lawyer’s appointment …or just going home..and I stare at my life of 24 years in boxes. OR I stare at  the manuscript on my computer  and get pissed off that I cant focus on writing a fucking word!…This is a down…….

 

Look.. I know things could be way worse, I have my health…(I hope) lol! I have wonderful friends, they are nurturing, caring, even over protective and I thank god for them everyday..I have some family who check in on me regularly… these are all positive ups! I have a big heart I am a great person, this I know, and knowing this keeps me for the most part in a positive. I have confidence and pretty good self esteem, I love to have fun and laugh, dance, sing, talk, go out stay in ! UP UP UP right???!!! Sadly..it does not last.

I am a work in progress I try to live everyday and do things to make me happy …I don’t need to be rich, I don’t need fancy things.. I just want to be Happy.  one day at a time..

 

DREAM~WISH~BELIEVE~

 

 

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